Angelic Dream

I was running on a flooded road. My feet splashing against the marshy ground. The rain slipping down my face. I was scared and crying. I felt so alone along this two way street. But I knew I had help coming. I ran as fast as I could to be in just the right spot. And then I felt her. A long whimsical white swing came down from the sky. It was a beautiful creature with lots of layers of white. Not the typical angel I would imagine but she was magnificent. She did have wings, like a theatrical interpretation with white feathers. But it was so much more than that. Smiling bright even in the darkness of the storm I was in. Her dark long wavy hair flowing behind her. She was not wet with rain. She was dry. She swung down to the street and swooped me up and suddenly I awoke.

i feel a change...

i feel a change comin'. i hope it's coming soon. you know, the kind of gut feeling you get right before you get sick? like, uh oh, i feel it coming on strong. similar to that, i feel something changing. i can't tell what it is. can't tell where we will go. but i know it's coming. i hope we see it. i hope we don't miss it. because i want to hop on that train and ride away. but sometimes the change is just within me.

From the Heart I Ponder These Things

From the heart I ponder these things Your little hands so tiny grasping my hand Years later they reach out and thrust your anger towards me It's within those hands I see such love Such a cry for an answer, "Will you love me...even when I am ugly?" My reaction screams SURRENDER and ANGER My soul struggles along with you Gritting teeth Yelling impatiently Sins arise, both sides Take away the layers, the hurt, the masculine toughness A little boy soul waits to hear, "Do you still love me?" Oh, child of mine, you have increased my reliance on Him who made you and me. Perspective eternally. Tangible cross. To answer your sweet soul in the midst of your uncontrolled fits, "Yes, I love you." Please know, Little Man, your hands can hurt or they can love. I pray you see the Hands of Your Maker. They were strong yet gentle. They were masculine yet showed mercy. Grasp His bleeding grace filled hands and see he loves you even in your ugliness. In my ugliness. Surrender your heart to the one who makes it whole. Use those strong hands to love. To stand up for Him. To pray for the weak at heart. Oh, I have faith, Little Buddy, He's got mighty plans for you...just see. His Love has covered you completely. I love you my little man. To the stars. To the moon.

A New Year, A Past Not Forgotten

Can I just tell you how I am looking forward to this year? I think it will be full of opportunities and learning! Continued healing in my body, little children growing and learning, possibilities of a new path for Josh, bonding in marriage...all these things I look forward to and are apart of my personal goals. However, I think we miss the fact that each year we set new goals and forget to see how the past has brought us to this point. I cannot forget how this past year grew me more than ever as a mom, wife, and caretaker of my body. If I do, these new goals mean nothing. So, here's to new beginnings and lessons learned from the past to bring me to this point. Happy New Year! To the year of 2012 and the Lord that wills it to be!

Whew! I can EAT!

I made it! Made it through the two weeks of starvation...ha, not really. But it was a bit of torture. I think I have a lot of patience. And I have been pretty laid back with my food restrictions so far in life until these last two weeks. I knew it was for the better, but it stretched me mentally. I think the going into hypoglycemic shock did me in. Not to mention the added stress of life's hard balls thrown in the mix. However, I made it. And an added bonus, I figured out a new favorite meal...chicken curry! Oh. My. On top of that, I have a new favorite salad (my old fav was made with thousand island)...olive oil with salt and pepper and lots of veggie goodness. This is a favorite lunch time meal now. I used to be a sandwich girl. And my all time new favorite veggie- SQUASH! Oh dang it is so good sauteed up in the skillet with a little olive oil. So all in all, I pray my tummy has healed in the process. I am weirdly excited to get my final blood draw to see what my chemistry looks like after six months of supplements, dietary fixes, and a whole shift in thinking has done for my body. And now...I am thankful that I am finished with my diet, and I am going to drink some black tea with agave and have some peanut butter with a banana (all of which was FORBIDDEN). Then I am going to eat a seriously yummy Thanksgiving meal in a few days and relish every flavor.

Out Of Babes

Our life is full of challenges each day. As are yours. Yesterday was a particularly hard day as we realized some difficult things in our life. As we were working through this dilemma that seems insurmountable, my daughter quietly sang in the background as she was coloring, "I just want to THANK YOU LORD! For all the things that I can't see! For all the things you've given me! Trust in the Lord with all your heart." Over and over. How precious. A day later as I don't have my own filter of feelings to sift through, I realize how sweet and how perfectly sung those words were.

Day #5 Killa'

I am on Day #5 with my grand finale detox to help repair my gut. I have felt this way before about a year ago. Miserable, can't sleep, itching all over. Yes, I have the stupid rash that keeps returning. The blisters in between my toes and heels. The rash makes me feel a little crazy. But I just have to keep thinking it is the toxins releasing themselves, trying to get out of my body. But wow, this just sucks. The first few days I felt fine almost great! And energetic. Today I feel woozy, jittery, adrenal rushed, out of body...strange. All I know is this better work.