Sunday, October 5, 2014

The Whole Vulnerable Cleanse

The past few days I have been prepping for a 10 Day Transformation that starts on Monday. It will include a cleanse and fasting and more importantly, some revelation of my relationship with God, relationship with myself, and my body and food.

This is big for me. Huge. Ginormous. I have started to uncover some unhealthy parts of my psyche that the Lord is so patiently nudging me to let go. He has whispered for a long time for me to submit my need for control over what I eat and put in my body. I never would have realized my subconscious need for control without some sweet friends and prayer uncovering so much deeply hidden things in my being. It is hard to admit that I have had an addiction to food and drinks.  I have revolved my day around food and coffee. The longing to just roll out of bed and make it to the coffee maker. The goal to make it to take the kids to school so that I can go have another coffee to make it through the morning. This is so hard for me to admit because it sounds so utterly stupid and silly. But it is real. I joke for my need of coffee. I joke for my need of "I can make it through the day if I just have..." But could this really be something that deep? Why would a warm cup of liquid become such a trigger?

There is so much psychology behind all this. I am becoming more and more aware of the psychology of eating in all this. (Check out this intriguing subject at It is purely fascinating. My dad recommended a book a few years back called "The Power of Habit." It speaks of why we form habits. We talked about writing down what it was I was feeling during a certain habit that I had created. Well, I think with the coffee addiction it started with having the twins.  I was so deliriously tired and out of control. My health had taken a serious turn for the worse. Sleep was sparse. My children's health was a top priority with various issues. There was much going on in our life on top of just having twins with two older children. SOOOO a sweet precious moment of silence I would drive through the St. Arbuck's drive thru, and moments later a warm comfort in the palm of my hand and four children quiet in my car and for a moment in control of my environment. It was an innocent thing. It was a sweet help in a time of desperate measures. Well, fast forward four years and it is all I can do to say "no" to a coffee. Again, this is bigger than the coffee (coffee may be just fine for you) but this is the primary example in my life. It's about what is underneath.

For instance, as I was journaling and praying this morning...what if my body and all that it has been through in the last 4 years were a blessing to reveal something deeper...
-What if the fatigue I feel now is a sign that I TRULY need rest and this is the only way to MAKE my spirit-mind-body slow down?
-What is my brain fog is genuinely an outward symptom of an inward problem of pollution in my thoughts?
-What if all my autoimmune stuff was an outward cry to accept and love who I was created to be?

My friends, THIS is huge. It is time to dig real deep.

I know this will be a long journey, not just 10 days.  I know this will be tough. But I do see hope. I see hope for a breakthrough. I see hope for working through the hard, hidden beneath so much layers of protection. And this (journaling) is apart of the process.

(You can find out more at

Tuesday, September 23, 2014


When you see your child still my heart. 

This boy who has dealt with the deep dark and dense soil that surrounded him...this boy whose left and right was black and white on some days. Some days I wondered underneath the dirtiness, the filth, if there was a seed planted down underneath the top soil. Some days as a mother I loathed the tilling. Some days I sat and wept my tears of anguish and sadness over the seed that seemed too far gone to sprout. But lo, the waiting...the process of waiting. The process of sticking with it has come to surface. The prayers that rained down into the thick weedy ground penetrated. The step into the unknown proved to be the next right move. The seedling cracked open. He pushed his way up through the dirt and the Farmer encouraged him to look up and up out of the top soil he rose. Roots deep below I am sure. I am sure I won't know the depth of the roots till I get to heaven. But there in the sunlight my little Seedling has sprouted. He has bloomed and stretched out his shining arms that were in his DNA all along. He is beautiful. He is joy. It may storm out in the open, but the floods have passed with the resulting muck. I am so thankful that he can see hope. That I see Hope. 

(My first love note unprompted by Ryker) 

Monday, September 15, 2014

Facebook Status and Silence Revelations

When Facebook asks us in its very caring way..."What's on your mind?" I usually have three or four options...
1. answer honestly in a matter of fact way.
2. answer in my most christian tone and positive way.
3. answer in a debbie downer way.
4. answer in a vague way.

As you can see there are plenty of options to let the world in on one of your many thoughts throughout the day. The last few months have been so intense that the status liners have been all I could muster up in writing. So for today this is what I wrote:

Can I just press pause on parenting and figure this out and get my (&:@ together...then I think I would rock this mom thing....

I know, I know. What's a Christian gal cursing in different symbols doing? Well, somedays...some's this thought that rolls through my head. This past spring, my past pretty much decided to rear it's ugly head from it's hidden agenda and smack it's lovely self right into my viewpoint. Ever since, I have been on a journey of realization...There is so much in that one sentence that it is impossible to go into everything, nor do I want the whole world to know. But I did want to share this...I think God knows when we are able to handle the ugliness of our past. I think He knows that we need the stillness to feel. We need the quiet to hear our own soul. And so this season as all my kids are at school from preschool on up to 2nd grade. That allows for-- time for me. Which is A LOT harder than you think. I am in a habit of go-go-go and do-do-do and multi-task and run errands here and there. (As many people are)...So, to stop and to breathe and to listen to what my mind is saying and to new. It has been almost four weeks since school started for the tiddlywinks, and I have had three whole mornings  in those four weeks where I have intentionally set aside to be still. Though my journey has just begun in this self-discovery and God-healing, I am excited for it to continue. My Papa in heaven keeps whispering in my heart, "This is your season of restoration." REST-oration. First part being REST. Whether that means sleeping, sitting still, or even resting my mind from so many years of is REST. Surrendering to the process. 

In perfect timing, this summer at one of my favorite retreats, Toth Ministries, I picked up a book called "Invitation to Solitude and Silence," by Ruth Haley Barton. I have never underlined and post-it'd a book as much as this one. Wow. One of the many things I underlined was this beautiful quote:

When we stop the music of our life to enter into solitude, we sit down right where we are at that moment , and that's where we meet God. We meet God in our present delight or our present sadness. We meet God in the tears of our life and the laughter of our life. We meet God in our most unnerving questions and in the answers we are celebrating. no matter where we are on any given day, when the music stops and everything gets quiet, we sit down right where we are and allow ourselves to be there with him.  HOW DESPERATELY OUR SOULS NEED REGULAR MOMENTS LIKE THAT, MOMENTS WHEN WE REST IN GOD AND ALLOW OURSELVES TO BE WITH GOD WITH WHAT IS MOST TRUE ABOUT US. 

I am learning a lot about what is most true about me...and learning a lot has been lies and learning how to decipher what is THE TRUTH versus what is seems to be true. So onto this season of restoration and I hope you join along with me, too.  Rest. This world needs rest. And that means you. 

Monday, January 20, 2014

A Chance to Love

The Little Twinkies, Big Bro, and I started something new and fun and hopefully life changing for my kids...serving at Josh's school. Every Friday the students get a homemade breakfast. I think this is great, as it shows just an extra step in love. What says love to a teenager other than some yummy food? The school has many amazing volunteers that come and help tutor during the week or help with administrative work or serve breakfast on Fridays. What better way to step into what my husband's ministry than to bring our kids and myself to make and serve breakfast? We had so much fun doing it together and the boys, though they are only 3 years and 4 years old, really learned to give to others first. It was the first of many experiences for them to serve someone other than themselves. This is something that I HOPE with all my heart that we are here on this earth to love others because He first loved us.

Here are the boys helping to make punch with another sweet volunteer.

The Boys all stirring up the juice with Mrs. Kristin (Co-Founder of Pikes Peak Academy)

A morning of making pancakes, bacon, and eggs (Trucker Special) and Monster Trucks flying down the school hallways, wet dish clothes in the mouth, the boys mingling with volunteers, and meeting hungry sweet teenagers by saying, "One pancake or two,"  and the boys first Tater Tot experience--which later was not so good for Sawyer. What a fun time...almost three hours there and it flew by. Can't wait to go back! I love that I finally "got it" and decided to dive in with my husband in his ministry. It truly is a family mission now. 

Update on Rice Pillows and Lotion Bars: I am working away when I have spare time to get these finished for all of you that responded. I really am amazed at the response. I am hoping to get these all out by mid-February. Don't forget to donate at and put "Josh Chadwick" in the memo line. I am also opening up an etsy store for future orders. Store Name: will have my pillows, lotion bars, Josh's handmade leather bracelets, his furniture, etc. 

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Multitasking Away

Life is never dull around here. And I love the fact that God is tremendously
blessing us with so many orders! Keep them coming! I am making a batch of the lotion bars today so hopefully by the end of the week I will be ready to hand deliver and ship some off! I had to take a picture of my serious multitasking...which can only be done by a dosing of essential oils to put a pep in my step, an extra cup of coffee, and quiet time for the littles. Dinner in the crock pot and lotion bars in the making! This batch of lotion bars is made with nutiva coconut oil, Beeswax, unrefined yellow Shea butter from Ghana and a touch of DoTerra lavender. 

Saturday, January 11, 2014

Raising Our Support...

Raising our support, one rice pillow at a time.

Thanks so much to the many people who have already asked to buy a rice pillow and lotion bars!

My husband and I both struggle in this whole asking for support for his ministry. The other night we were talking about how we need to do something to get our ministry funding going. We are extremely thankful for those that have already donated and support us through prayer each month.  I am not one to send out a monthly letter in the mail. However, I suddenly had an amazing idea from my right hand dude, the Holy a gentle and peaceful way..."sell your new rice pillows and lotion bars for his ministry." Instead of drudgery, I feel excited! I am so passionate about healthy stuff and supporting others in this area, too. What a way to bless others and especially my husband as he does this amazing work to spread the love of Jesus to these amazing teenagers.

I love the fact that my kids love making the pillows with me. I, however, try not to lose patience as little fingers go this way and that as the sewing machine runs. But I adore that they are involved. They love picking the colors together and pouring the rice in each bag. What a cool experience! Thank you guys!!!

Here is a link to his school...

And if you feel led to donate or if you would like to buy a rice pillow or a delightful shea butter lotion bar, please email me at and let me know how many of each you would like and leave me your address.  You can then click the link to donate below and donate what you feel led. Please do the minimum of $10/pillow and $8/bar plus shipping if you are out of town.
Humbly, I am putting the need out there just in case anyone feels led (I encourage you to pray first...) but we are need of 10 donors to commit monthly at $100/month. Here is the link to donate for the pillows/bars or if you want to be apart of our team in supporting us. And be sure to type in Josh Chadwick for the person to sponsor. We thank you ahead of time!

Also...this summer my husband will have off.  He is super crafty and handy and an amazing craftsmen. In fact, he built our master bed for us for our wedding gift. It is gorgeous. He has built coffee tables, dining room tables, desks, wall art...So if you need any furniture built, let us know! He would love to make you something! Here are some examples of his masterful work:

Again we are so blessed to put this out there and for all the people who have already responded. I am just blown away and excited to see what God does. Thank you all. 

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

What Can You Do With Oils?

I am a few days into my essential oils experience with DoTerra and I have to say I think I am already obsessed. And so are my kids. They came to me asking for more oils. I think that is a good sign!

Update about my friends on my lips: I am still fighting my horrendous fever blisters but I haven't been as diligent with  the oils as I was on the first/second day. Also I have had lots of sugar/coffee, too, which doesn't help my body fight off inflammation/infections. I do have to say though that a few days ago I noticed my lymph nodes under my chin were gigantic like I had swallowed a marble. I have been obsessive with the OnGuard blend oil that helps fight off everything and today that lymph node is not swollen at all! Amazing!

I love trying new things lately that have to do with homemade. I do not know where this "Suzy Homemaker" emerged from, but I will take it. I have made six rice pillows to put the oils on at night for my kids and for one other special person in my life. These are super easy to make. And such a sweet comfort when going to sleep to have a warm pillow that smells yummy. I have put the vetiver oil on Ryker's, and on the boys, lavender.  Here is Copeland's rice pillow I just finished this morning. I made it out of an old dish towel that I loved the pattern, but it was getting shape warped.

Another thing I have tried is making a lotion bar. My favorite website for all around healthy family living is She is turbo amazing. Don't know how she does all that she does, but I applaud her. Anyway, she has a recipe for a lotion bar that I tried and I put a grapefruit oil in it. Super easy. Super awesome. Super convenient. Super silky. Super fun gift! You can check her's out at

Another thing I tried is putting the Lemon oil in food. Last night I was cookin' up some yummy tilapia and needed some lemon. And DING! I have lemon oil safe for I put a couple drops in the baking dish. It was super yummo!

Ok that is it for today! Happy Wednesday Yall!